Keep Holding On - TBDFFC

Nothing felt right anymore. Everything was falling apart. I had heard people talk about it when they thought I wasn’t paying attention. They all said the same things.
“Will she ever get over it?” “I feel bad for her.” “If she’s taking it this bad, imagine how his family is taking it!” “Ever since his death, she hasn’t been the same.” I didn’t blame them. They didn’t know what it was like to live in my shoes at this very moment.
And then there were the other people. The people who tried to keep me strong. “Keep holding on,” they said, “It’s not over. He may be gone, but he’s still right here.” They would point to my heart, right next to me and even to my hand. They always made me smile. “Thanks,” I would say. It’s all I could say. If I said anymore, I would burst into tears. It’s not easy losing a loved one.
I suppose you’re all wondering what happened. Who I am, who he is and how he died. I don’t mind telling you. I tell this story often and my eyes water every time. But I’m used to it.
Let me get straight to the point. My name is Nyami. His name was Edward. He was taking me out to dinner to celebrate that we’d been together for a year. The drive was familiar to us. We had to drive down some busy streets, like usual.
And then Edward turned. It was a normal right hand turn except for the fact that a speeding car was coming down the street and hit Edward’s car at nearly 100 mph. Ambulances were there almost immediately. Other pedestrians and drivers had helped us out of the car. The car was destroyed. The whole left side of the car was ruined along with the right side that had been rammed into a pole.
Edward was still alive when we got to the hospital. We were both traumatized at what had just happened. The police said it was a drunk driver and that he had been caught. The doctors told me that I had a few cuts on my arm and a few on my head, but nothing major. I was going to be okay.
But the doctor said that Edward only had hours, maybe only minutes, to live. The news shattered my heart right then, right there. I wasn’t going to spend his last few minutes in a stupid hospital bed. Leaping out of bed, I ran over to Edward, tears already streaming down my face.
He was smiling. “Hold my hand, Nyami.” I obeyed him immediately, not hesitating to follow his simple request. “Don’t let go. Keep holding on, please.” Edward’s breathing was uneven now.  Who knew how long we had together now?
“I love you.” I said. Edward nodded and a tear fell down his cheek. “I love you, too.” I didn’t let go of his hand. I held his hand and cried. Cried and cried and cried. The doctor told me to lay down. I needed sleep. The doctor took my hand from Edward’s and led me to my bed. Sleep? No. I did not sleep. I cried.
That’s what it feels like now. It’s been about three weeks since that day. I still cry myself to sleep. Edward is gone. The feeling is nothing unusual anymore. I’m used to the tears. I’m used to the sympathy. I’m used to the empty hole.
But I wish there was something to fill my hole. Not another boyfriend. I couldn’t stand to be hurt or lose someone that special to me again.
So on continued my depression. I rarely spoke to anyone. My grades in school kept up and I spoke and smiled when necessary at my job. Life continued on, despite my sadness.
But then my sadness faded. One day, it seemed as if my sadness decided to melt away. Not just at random, but because I heard a song on the radio.
At first, I didn’t even pay attention to the song. It just seemed like another boring, slow song that everyone was going to rave about and it would get overplayed. That thought perished when I heard the chorus.
“Keep holding on, ‘cause you know we’ll make it through, we’ll make it through. Just stay strong, ‘cause you know I’m here for you, I’m here for you.”
I closed my eyes and thought of Edward. I imagined he was right next to me, holding my hand. It was as if he was the radio, singing the song to me.
“There’s nothing you could say, there’s nothing you could do, there’s no other way when it come to the truth so keep holding on.” I imagined his voice, singing the words aloud. They sounded so sweet.
I opened my eyes and sighed, tears forming in my eyes. Happy tears. The song ended and the DJ spoke.
“Alright, and that was Avril Lavigne with ‘Keep Holding On’. You can get that song on her new album ‘The Best Damn Thing’. Okay, this next song is by a band called Fall Out Boy…”
I had already started towards the closest place that sold records. I needed that song. Who knew in just four minutes you could feel so much better? It didn’t take long for me to find the album – it had its own rack.
As soon as I got home, I inserted the CD into my computer and started listening to the CD. Maybe there were other songs I would like.
The CD continued on. I laughed at a few of the verses. Laughter! The album was wonderful. And then Keep Holding On started to play.
I closed my eyes and listened.
“You’re not alone, together we stand…”
And then I felt something take my hand. At first, it startled me. But then I realized it was Edward. I opened my eyes and saw him standing there, holding my hand. I immediately jumped up to hug him, but then I fell through the air, landing on my carpet.
I laughed and closed my eyes, Edward still holding my hand. I think he laughed at me too. Before I knew it, the song was over and he let go of my hand. I sighed and sat up, smiling. My hole was filled.
Since that day when I first heard ‘Keep Holding On’, I went out and bought Avril’s other albums. They were even better than ‘The Best Damn Thing’!
Two weeks passed and people noticed a changed in my ways. They saw me smile more, they saw me talk more, they saw the old Nyami more. Everyday, I would lie down on my bed, close my eyes and listen to ‘Keep Holding On’ and everyday Edward would hold my hand and listen with me. One day when I was watching the news, one of the reporters was having an interview with Avril herself!
“So, Avril, when are you going on tour?”
Smiling, Avril spoke. “The tour begins in March of 2008 and tickets are already on sale. It’s really exciting to go on tour again.”
I ran unhesitant to my computer and immediately got onto Ticketmaster and searched for ‘Avril Lavigne’. When the results came up, I clicked on the show in my town and made a search for the best available seat for one. Before I clicked the ‘Search for Tickets’ button, I paused. Opening up my music player, I selected ‘Keep Holding On’ and pressed the play button. I closed my eyes and smiled. Edward was there again, holding my hand. My eyes opened once more and I moved my mouse back up to the ticket quantity. I changed it from one to two. I was not going to his concert alone. Edward was going to go with me and he would hold my hand during the song. Our song. The song that reminded me that Edward wasn’t gone. Edward was with me everyday.  I never had an empty hole – it’s just overflowing now.